Author's Note: Like my other Escamon fics, this is supposed to kinda poke fun at Pokemon. I know that everyone is out of character, but I think it's funny. So yeah, enjoy.
When Gaeans turn thirteen and become adults, they may receive their Escamon licenses and begin their Escamon journeys. At age twenty-three, Gaddes was getting a late start. His mother opened the door to find him sitting on his bed, not even wearing his pajamas.
Editor's Note: The first time I read this I thought we were getting a nude scene. Apparently he's still in his day clothes. Shoot!
"Gaddes!" she scolded, "you need to get to bed! You want to be rested for tomorrow, don't you?"
"Aw, Mom!" he whined, "I'm too excited to sleep!"
"Then read this," she said, tossing a newspaper on his bed. "It'll get you in the right frame of mind." He snatched it up and scanned it. There was an article by Professor Meriden, the local Escamon expert.
"And go to bed when you're done."
"Yeah, okay." Gaddes leaned back against his headboard. There were three Escamon available for new trainers. Meruru, Allen, and Hitomi.
"I wonder which one I should get? Better wake up early so that I get the best one!" Determination running too high, Gaddes blew out his lamp and went to sleep.
< Gaddes's dream > "Which one should I get? Maybe…Meruru! Yeah!" He threw an energist, and Meruru appeared. "Or Allen…Allen would be good too…" he threw an energist, and Allen appeared. "Or there's Hitomi…some people say that that's the best way to go…" He threw an energist, and Hitomi appeared. </Gaddes's dream >
As he imagined himself throwing the energist, Gaddes's sword fell into his hand. In one smooth motion, he lopped off the head of the rooster that was supposed to wake him up in the morning, rolled over, and continued snoozing.
The next morning, Gaddes blinked as sunbeams fled across his face.
"What time is it?" He looked over at his rooster, which was running around headless on the floor.
"Oh no! My rooster didn't wake me up!" He crawled around on the floor until he found the head, and jammed it on top of the bird.
"WHAT TIME IS IT?!!!" he shouted. Surprise, no response. Still in his pajamas, Gaddes took off down the road. Maybe, if he ran really really fast, he could still make it… When he reached Professor Meriden's laboratory, his old rival Pyle was already there.
"Oh, hello, Gaddes. Late as usual, I see. I already got my Escamon."
"R-really?" Gaddes asked.
"Yep. And it's right inside this energist." Pyle started twirling the energist on the end of his finger.
"Can I see it?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Um…because!"
"Because?"
"Yes, because! I've got an Escamon journey to start! I'll make Castelo known all over Gaea!"
"Yeaaaaa! Pyle, Pyle, he's the best! Pyle, Pyle, beats the rest! Yeaaaaa!" Pyle's cheerleaders…cheered.
"Thank you, ladies." He waved them away, "Well, I'm off! Smell ya later, Gaddes!" Pyle mounted his horse and rode away, kicking dirt in Gaddes's face. As he coughed and tried to clear his eyes, Professor Meriden came out.
"Gaddes? So, you finally decided to show up?"
"I'm really sorry I'm late, Professor! I accidentally killed my rooster and so I didn't wake up, but…but…I'm ready to start my Escamon journey!"
"You are? You look more like you're ready for bed."
"Pleeeeeease, Professor? Please?" Meriden thought a moment.
"Well…all right."
"Yes!" Gaddes was led inside the laboratory. "It took me a long time, but I finally decided on Meruru!" He picked up the energist. It was empty. "Whaaat?!"
"Meruru was taken by a trainer who was here on time."
"That's okay. I'll just take Allen!" That energist was also empty. "Or…Hitomi would work too…" Big surprise, Hitomi wasn't there either.
"Those two were also taken by trainers who were here on time."
"Aren't there any Escamon left?"
"Well…"
"I'll take anything! I gotta have an Escamon!" Gaddes pleaded. Professor Meriden seemed reluctant.
"There is…one more…"
"I'll take it!" Gaddes cried. Professor Meriden pushed a button, and another energist rose up in the center of the first three. Gaddes poked it, and the beam of white light transported the Escamon in front of them.
"I just captured him, so he's got something of an attitude. Gaddes, meet Van." Gaddes got the anime starry eyes.
"I have my very own Escamon!" Van looked him up and down, then turned away.
"Huh? What's wrong? We're gonna be friends!" Still, Van said nothing. "Well, you're my Escamon, and you have to do what I say! Now, get in the energist!"
Van drew his sword and started slashing at Gaddes.
"Aaah! Professor Meriden, help!" Meriden grabbed the nearest object and whacked Van over the head. Momentarily subdued, the black-haired Escamon sat down on the floor.
"Whew!" Meriden handed the thing to Gaddes. "This is your Escadex. It will give you information on any Escamon you come across." He gave him a handful of energists, too, "and these are your energists."
"Gee, thanks!" Gaddes pocketed the Escadex and energists, grabbed Van by the collar, and hauled him out the door. Gaddes's mother was waiting for him.
"I'm so proud of you! You're finally starting on your Escamon journey! Even if you're ten years later than all the other boys!"
"Um…yeah…" She shoved a duffel bag at him and started sorting through the contents.
"Here's your clean clothes, and a clothesline and rubber gloves so you can do your laundry, and some hot chocolate in case you want something hot to drink but don't burn yourself-" Gaddes shoved everything into the bag and grabbed it away.
"I can handle it, Mom!"
"I know…" she trailed off as she spied Van. "Oh, is that your Escamon?" He nodded.
"Mom, meet Van." She blinked.
"Don't Escamon usually stay in their energists?"
"I guess so. Okay Van, get in the energist." Van shook his head. Gaddes tossed the energist at Van. He caught it and threw it back.
"Oh, how cute! You're playing catch! You're friends already!" Gaddes sweatdropped.
"Y-eah…okay…" Van drew his sword and started slashing wildly at everyone. He managed to hit Gaddes's mother before Gaddes caught him.
"And don't forget to wear clean underwear every day…my, what pretty colors…"
*Voices of all the characters* "Who's that Escamon?" *Commercial break* *Voices of all the characters* "It's Van!" "What? You're running? After what they did to your men?!"
Using the clothesline, Gaddes had Van trussed up like a chicken going to slaughter and slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. (A/N: All these food similes are making me hungry)
"I don't get it, Van. Why won't you stay in your energist?" Van looked away.
"All Escamon stay in their energists. See?" He opened his Escadex.
< In between battles, Escamon are kept inside energists. > Van kicked at the Escadex, and it spoke again.
< However, there are exceptions. Some Escamon don't like being cooped up. >
"Oh, okay." Gaddes put Van down and untied him. "Is that better?" Van nodded.
"So, do you trust me now?" He shook his head.
"No?! What else do you want?!"
Something rustled in the bushes. Gaddes pointed his Escadex at it.
< Chesta, a combination of Bishounen and Kawaii types. Chesta is a good target for new trainers, as it is very good-natured and gentle. >
"Hmm, seems like that wouldn't make it much of a fighter. Oh well, an Escamon's an Escamon! Van, go!" Van ran toward the Chesta…climbed up a tree, picked a piscus, yanked off the top, stuck a straw in it, and started drinking.
"Van!" Gaddes shouted, waving his arms, "get down here and fight!"
"No!" Van shouted back.
"Well, at least he's talking to me. Fine! I'll catch that Chesta myself!"
Still sucking on the piscus, Van watched as Gaddes drew his sword, stomping over to the Chesta and raising it over his head. He brought it down…and found that the Chesta had blocked it! He slashed again and again, but couldn't land a blow.
"Oh well, it oughtta be weak enough now." Gaddes threw an energist at the Chesta. Van doubled over laughing as the energist was deflected back at Gaddes, nailing him in the forehead.
"OW!!!" Gaddes picked the energist up and glared at Van.
"What are YOU laughing at?" Van looked away innocently and returned his attention to his piscus.
"I don't need you! If you don't want to be my Escamon, then go away!" Gaddes stalked away, slashing bushes as he went.
"I'll show them…aha! There it is!" A shadowy figure moved in the long grass in front of him. "It looks kinda big…but it has to be that Chesta!" He slashed at the Escamon, and it rolled out of the way.
"Hey! What gives?" The Escamon turned and glared at him. "Woah! What's that?!" Whipping out his handy-dandy Escadex, he pointed it at it.
< Mole Man, a Mole type Escamon. It is docile until provoked, when it can attack with great ferocity and in large numbers. >
"Uh-oh…" The Mole Man stood up and called behind it. Hundreds of Mole Men appeared out of nowhere and charged at him.
"It's a stampede!!!" Gaddes turned tail and ran as fast as he could. "Van!" he shouted, waving his arms, "Run! Save yourself!" Van regarded him curiously.
"Don't just stand there! Get out of here!" Gaddes tripped and went sprawling. A few of the Mole Men took the opportunity to paw through his bag for anything interesting. The rest ignored him, and were trying to climb up the tree Van was in.
"Hey! Leave Van alone!" His sword missing, Gaddes grabbed a nice-sized stick and started beating Mole Men with it. "Van, get in your energist!" Van shook his head.
"I know you don't like it in there, but if you get in you'll be safe, and I can get you out of here!" He paused a moment to set the energist on the ground. "I'll let you decide."
Van looked at the energist, to Gaddes fighting, and back to the energist again. His mind made up, Van drew back his arm and threw the piscus as hard as he could at the nearest Mole Man, then drew his sword and jumped down.
"Van…" Gaddes said. Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light, and the Mole Men were blown to next Tuesday, or maybe the Mystic Moon.
< Van's most powerful attack, Revenge for Fanelia. > the Escadex, lying open on the ground, said. Gaddes ran to where Van was collapsed on the ground.
"Van! We made it!" Van smiled. Gaddes looked up at the sky. A white dragon flew overhead. "Woah! What's that?" He snatched up the Escadex and pointed it at it.
< Escamon unknown. >
"What?!"
< There are still many Escamon that have yet to be discovered. >
"Wow! I just saw a new Escamon!" Gaddes took it as a good omen. Things were definitely looking up.
Author's Note: Did you like it? No? Just give it time, it gets better. Stay tuned for Chapter 2!